Wow, I totally forgot that I have a blog. I guess it's been about a year and a half since I've posted anything.

Turning 40 last year hit me like a wall. I was in the hospital SEVEN times this past year. In August, the last hospitalization, I suffered my third round of kidney failure, and at one point my blood pressure crashed down to 50 over 20, and I very nearly died.

I'm healthy now. Lots of people are commenting on how good I look. I guess I wasn't aware of how bad I looked when I was sick! It's great to be alive, it's great to feel a little healthier. I've lost about 30 pounds, and I hope that continues.

Like many people, I am currently unemployed and broke. But my emotional health is good today. I don't know what to attribute that to, except the love and constant presence of God. I know that He will be with me, even if the worst should happen, and He will take care of me. I need to cling to that. He talks to me in the applause of the autumn leaves when a breeze blows through the trees. He is there when I breathe deeply of the cool clean air. He is in control, when He shows me the constancy of the stars in the night sky. He is there. Be there for me, God.