Saturday, April 16, 2011

Whose fault is it, anyway?

Do you think it's easier to accept hardship when it's brought about by your own fault, or when it's brought about by sheer bad luck or someone else's harmful action? I used to think it was better to be at the mercy of life's terms, rather than a causative, because there would be no guilt associated with your pain. You wouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed to know, to have to tell people, that as terrible as things are, they're all your fault. But today I think maybe it's better to know that you caused your own misery, because at least it affords you some measure of control, or perceived control. I did this to myself, so at least I know I can prevent it in the future. Being traumatized because of some other person's decision to hurt you, or because of somebody else's mistake, or because of the bankrupt space on the wheel of fortune, you're just a victim. Your a pawn in God's game. You know that you cannot do a thing to prevent getting that ice cold punch in the stomach again...and again. The last couple years, I was suffering, but mostly because of my own actions. I was helped, then I found my own motivation, and life got better. I found a job, a job I loved, and I excelled at it. When I was clinging by my fingernails to the cliff, God helped me to my feet and dusted me off, then waited for me to gain some stability and confidence, even happiness. Then he laughed at me and then pushed me over the edge. I got fired on Friday for no ascertainable reason whatsoever.